Small courtesies are remembered far longer than any rehearsed opening line. None of the following is difficult - which is exactly why neglecting it stands out.
Arrive on time #
Check-in opens thirty minutes before the start for a reason. Arriving late means walking in during the welcome, missing the explanation of how the evening runs, and starting your first conversation flustered. It is also the first thing anyone learns about you.
Give the conversation your attention #
Put the phone away entirely - not face-down on the table, away. Looking at a screen during a short introduction says something about how you would behave in a marriage, and people are right to read it that way. Ask a question, listen to the answer, and ask about the answer. A conversation where one person delivers prepared remarks and the other waits their turn is not a conversation.
Be honest about your intentions #
If you are not sure, say you are not sure. If you are looking to marry within the year, say that too. People can work with either. What nobody can work with is finding out three weeks later that you meant something different from what you said.
Ending a conversation well
Thank them, and be plain rather than effusive. Warmth that overstates your interest is unkind - it leaves someone expecting a message that is not coming. "It was good to meet you" is enough, and it is honest whether or not you take it further.
Respect the structure #
The timings exist so that everyone gets the same. Overrunning your introduction takes that from the next person, and it puts the person opposite you in the awkward position of ending it themselves.
Respect the privacy of the room #
Everyone there is doing something that takes courage. Do not photograph the room, do not name people afterwards, and do not repeat what someone told you in confidence about their family or their situation. What is said at the event stays at the event.
Follow up honestly, or not at all #
- Interested? Say so through the process, clearly, and let the other person answer for themselves.
- Not interested? Say nothing further. Silence through the proper channel is kinder than a message explaining why.
- Not sure? Ask for one more conversation. That is what a second meeting is for.
What happens after an event, and how contact details are exchanged, is set out on the questions page.
